I haven't done this in a while…

Eaten part of your own body? Yes. But can you guess which part?

Eaten anything alive? Yes, of course. And I'm talking about eating and killing, not anything perverse.

Been to a psychotherapist? Psychotherapist? No. The police forced me to see a psychiatrist.

Had a general anaesthetic? Only once, while exploratory surgery was being done on my balls… And I've had local anesthetics lots of times.

Danced by the light of the moon? What, with the Buffalo Gals? No.

Spelled you own name wrong? Many times a day. I spell my name wrong, I forget how old I am… I'm basically an idiot savant.

Been caught gossipping by the person you were talking about? I don't think so, but I do tend to tell people stories that they just told me thinking I heard them somewhere else… and I probably don't tell the stories too accurately.

Told an authority figure where to go? All the time, but only to prove that no one has authority over me.

Bullied anyone? All the time.

Been purposely cruel to an animal? All the time when I was A LOT younger. I did some very horrible things — I've torn the beating hearts out of many a creature and watched it stop in my hands.

Believed an urban legend? Probably, but not once I clued in.

Started an urban legend? No, but I've dispelled plenty of them.

Been taken in for questioning? Yes.

Bitten your toenails? No, I don't even bite my fingernails.

Laughed at someone less fortunate than yourself? No, at least not any time recently, and I don't think I ever would.

Failed an exam or test? In highschool I maintained a 97% average. In university, I didn't go to class since I decided it would be more fun to sell drugs instead. (OK, maybe the dealing didn't cut into class much — it was the doing).

Had a rectal examination? Not that I can remember. I probably should.

Been told you're beautiful? Surprisingly often.

Put the phone down on someone? As in hung up? Of course. As in hit someone with a phone? I doubt it.

Thrown a sickie? Considering I work at home, and pretty much always have there's not much to be gained from throwing a sickie. I didn't bother in school either since they didn't care if I came to class or not. What are they going to do to you if you're writing perfect papers? I'd rather play ping-pong in the cafeteria than sit at home anyway.

Had sex with more than one person in a day? No, and realistically I'm not interested in doing so.

Performed a task you believed to be beneath you? I'm sure I have, but I don't remember. I do whatever I feel like.

Thrown away a gift the day it was received? Yes. Very few people are able to get me gifts that are appropriate or appreciated.

Pretended to know a famous person to impress someone? Anyone that would be impressed by that is not someone who I'm interested in impressing.

Shouted, “oh my god the engine's on fire!” mid-flight? I've HAD the engine catch on fire! No one was with me though, so there was no point in shouting.

Shaved off someone's eyebrows when they were dead-drunk? No, but I did shave my head — from shoulder-long hair — about ten years ago while I was on acid. I only got about half way through and then couldn't do any more so I went and got a neighbor (also on acid) ot finish it for me… Those were kooky days.

Urinated on someone? Not unless second-hand-pee via the pool counts.

Gone out without wearing any underwear? All the time.

Injured yourself through your own stupidity? All the time.

Farted audibly in public and blamed someone else? Uh, no.

Kissed someone to make someone else jealous? I can't imagine that's a particularly positive strategy. I've screwed up a number of relationships, and dated a few real idiots, so the last thing I need to do is initiate a relationship based on deceit.

Wow Shannon, that's really annoying! What is it, 1997 on Geocities? Retroweb is NOT cool!

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