Monthly Archives: August 2001


Thanks ARTIK for doing a rush order for us — 20 or so black iWasCured shirts will be ready tomorrow, so if you're coming to the suspension party this weekend, Phil can hook you up.

Suspensions (entry 2/2)

OK, things did get a little silly last night. First my “scientific curiosity” got the best of me. TSD rates an “expert level” suspension as anything that puts between 40 and 80 pounds of weight per hook. I decided that I'd try and see what would happen if you put 250 pounds on ONE hook in an ARM. The bet was will it:

A. Hurt but work fine.
B. Straighten the hook and drop me.
C. Tear a big chunk out of my arm and drop me.

Well, they hoisted me up, and the hook did bend a little, but then with a huge POP, the entire length of the hook tore out of my arm, spraying blood and chunks of fat everywhere — there were fat cells all over my shirt, and some hit Marty in the face. Luckily Blair was there and eight stitches later I'm good as new.

Then to top it off, Marty, Monstar, and Orbax decided to play a game of suspension one-upmanship. (Yeah, I know it's deeply irresponsible, and probably a little sacreligious, but hey, sometimes you've got to have some fun). I'd say the top moment of that game was Monstar climbing to the top of the tower with four suicide hooks in his back and JUMPING off the top of the tower to get caught by his hooks!

Suspensions (entry 1/2)

Yesterdays suspension party went AMAZING. I have a horrible memory so I'm going to link to a few of the people's pages that made it possible and participated, they'll probably write and remember better than me: wild zero, PhilipBarbosa, MiL0, martini, blair, aesthete, the great ORBAX, twwlwyth, monstar, tigertante, Aoife, |triBal|, tommyt, mal, Diosa, Corey, Gary, PreludeToSteve, alisinwonderland, VioletSoda, etc. etc. etc… I'm VERY sorry if I forgot you, but this is the biggest suspension thing I've ever been at, so I'm amazed I could even remember this many people. Here are some photos:

Simplified design…

I've been playing with the BBQ shirt design and have slimmed the print down to a single color glow in the dark print (as you can see below). There will be some text on the back, but I haven't really decided what. It'll be the date of the BBQ of course, and then probably some slogan. I saw one of the guys from N'Sync wearing a similar shirt yesterday, so I'm considering: “Tell your kid it's not polite to point.”

If it's not obvious, these are for the September 2nd Toronto BBQ. If you have RSVP'd, you'll be getting an email letting you know how to reserve a shirt. They'll be reserved this time, not first come first serve. But you MUST RSVP via the petition in the next two days if you want to get on that list.

I haven't done this in a while…

Eaten part of your own body? Yes. But can you guess which part?

Eaten anything alive? Yes, of course. And I'm talking about eating and killing, not anything perverse.

Been to a psychotherapist? Psychotherapist? No. The police forced me to see a psychiatrist.

Had a general anaesthetic? Only once, while exploratory surgery was being done on my balls… And I've had local anesthetics lots of times.

Danced by the light of the moon? What, with the Buffalo Gals? No.

Spelled you own name wrong? Many times a day. I spell my name wrong, I forget how old I am… I'm basically an idiot savant.

Been caught gossipping by the person you were talking about? I don't think so, but I do tend to tell people stories that they just told me thinking I heard them somewhere else… and I probably don't tell the stories too accurately.

Told an authority figure where to go? All the time, but only to prove that no one has authority over me.

Bullied anyone? All the time.

Been purposely cruel to an animal? All the time when I was A LOT younger. I did some very horrible things — I've torn the beating hearts out of many a creature and watched it stop in my hands.

Believed an urban legend? Probably, but not once I clued in.

Started an urban legend? No, but I've dispelled plenty of them.

Been taken in for questioning? Yes.

Bitten your toenails? No, I don't even bite my fingernails.

Laughed at someone less fortunate than yourself? No, at least not any time recently, and I don't think I ever would.

Failed an exam or test? In highschool I maintained a 97% average. In university, I didn't go to class since I decided it would be more fun to sell drugs instead. (OK, maybe the dealing didn't cut into class much — it was the doing).

Had a rectal examination? Not that I can remember. I probably should.

Been told you're beautiful? Surprisingly often.

Put the phone down on someone? As in hung up? Of course. As in hit someone with a phone? I doubt it.

Thrown a sickie? Considering I work at home, and pretty much always have there's not much to be gained from throwing a sickie. I didn't bother in school either since they didn't care if I came to class or not. What are they going to do to you if you're writing perfect papers? I'd rather play ping-pong in the cafeteria than sit at home anyway.

Had sex with more than one person in a day? No, and realistically I'm not interested in doing so.

Performed a task you believed to be beneath you? I'm sure I have, but I don't remember. I do whatever I feel like.

Thrown away a gift the day it was received? Yes. Very few people are able to get me gifts that are appropriate or appreciated.

Pretended to know a famous person to impress someone? Anyone that would be impressed by that is not someone who I'm interested in impressing.

Shouted, “oh my god the engine's on fire!” mid-flight? I've HAD the engine catch on fire! No one was with me though, so there was no point in shouting.

Shaved off someone's eyebrows when they were dead-drunk? No, but I did shave my head — from shoulder-long hair — about ten years ago while I was on acid. I only got about half way through and then couldn't do any more so I went and got a neighbor (also on acid) ot finish it for me… Those were kooky days.

Urinated on someone? Not unless second-hand-pee via the pool counts.

Gone out without wearing any underwear? All the time.

Injured yourself through your own stupidity? All the time.

Farted audibly in public and blamed someone else? Uh, no.

Kissed someone to make someone else jealous? I can't imagine that's a particularly positive strategy. I've screwed up a number of relationships, and dated a few real idiots, so the last thing I need to do is initiate a relationship based on deceit.