So I'm driving back from picking up DVD-R's from Ryan and I pass a cop going the other way. Big surprise, even thought I'm totally within the law, he does a u-turn, flips on his cherries, and I pull over. As you can tell, I'm having a bad day and I'm already angry. He comes up to the window, opens his mouth, but before he can say anything I loudly interrupt, “TELL ME WHY YOU PULLED ME OVER”. “You seemed to be going awefully fast.”
“I wasn't speeding. This is a $150,000 Porsche. It probably always looks fast to you.”
“You went around that corner really fast.”
“I went around that corner at 80. Again, it's a Porsche. I don't have to slow down for corners if I don't feel like it.”
“You really looked like you were going fast.”
“Look, I told you how fast I was going. Either show me the radar reading or let me leave.”
“I didn't get you on the radar… I was just saying you looked kind of fast…
Give me your license, ownership, and insurance.”
Now, I had the ownership, but my license is incomplete, and I have no insurance paperwork. The post office refused to deliver them, even though I had the complete and correct address information — they said “we need to know who's having an affair with who” or some other stupid excuse for what they did. Anyway, I handed him what I had and told him that if didn't like it, he could take it up with the post office which seemed more concerned with small-town gossip than they did with delivering the mail.
He complained that I hadn't signed something or other on my license. “That's a $110 ticket,” he said to me.
“Do what you have to do.”
So then, like always, he took my paperwork to his car and ran me through the computer. A few minutes later he returned — presumably after guessing at my financial status from the list of cars that show up under my name (keep in mind I look like some dirtbag that stole the Porsche — I wasn't even wearing shoes). Anyway, he apologized profusely and tried to make smalltalk. I asked him if we were done, and then tore off, making sure to keep the engine at high RPMs.
Fuck any cop that pulls me over because he thinks the car I'm in is too good for me.