Monthly Archives: March 2003

Very sad

Does this lead to this? Now a bad joke:

Saddam Hussein phoned President Bush and said, "I had a dream about the United States. I could see the whole country, and over every building and home was a banner."

"What was on the banner?" asked Bush.

"LONG LIVE SADDAM!" answered the dictator.

"I'm so glad that you called," said President Bush, "because I too had a dream. In my dream, I saw Iraq and it was more beautiful than ever; totally rebuilt with many tall, gleaming office buildings, large residential subdivisions with swimming pools in every yard; and over every building and home was a big, beautiful banner."

"What did the banner say?" asked Saddam.

"I don't know," answered President Bush, "I can't read Hebrew."


perk900 recommends an alternate, simpler, punchline:

"I don't know," answered President Bush, "I can't read."


One last one; this timely one from Eclipsed:

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next, when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, Mr. Hussein", a heavily accented voice said."This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you."

"Well Paddy," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news. How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation. "There's myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Seamus and the entire dart team from the pub. That makes eight."

Saddam paused, "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Begorra", said Paddy. "I'll have to ring to back."

Sure enough the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still on. We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment.

"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked.

"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm-tractor," said Paddy.

Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1 1/2 million since we last spoke."

"Saints preserve us," said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still on. We have managed to get ourselves airborne. We've modified Harrigan's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well."

Saddam went silent for a moment and then cleared this throat. "I must tell you Paddy, that I have 1,000 bombers and 2,000 fighter planes. Laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites surround my military complex. And since we last spoke I've increased my army to TWO MILLION."

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph" said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Hussein. I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well" said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints and decided that there's no way we can feed two million prisoners."

Piercers

First of all, the entry below this one, while possible, was written on a concoction of home-made sleeping pills, so it could never happen, right? After all, the US people have told Bush in clear majority that they will not back a war that the UN doesn't vote for. Since the US is a democracy, they'd never tell the UN (and thus the US people) to shove it and race into war, right?


More importantly, I've just added six new verified piercers: one, two, three, four, five, and six (I've really enjoyed seeing the different room set-ups). Next is building the search features, as well as a “show me all experiences about this piercer” function that'll be tied in to BME itself. Oh, and I added two (difficult) questions to the form as well (for both tattoo artists and piercing artists):

  • What makes you a good piercer/tattoo artist? Why should people get pierced/tattooed by you?
  • What makes your studio a good studio? Why should people come to it?

So far I've only come across one ethical dilema (a piercer that submitted photos that's an APP member whos piercing room could get him removed from the APP if I understand their restrictions properly). I'm not sure what the “right” thing to do in this case is (note that I have no reason to believe they are a bad piercer or anything like that, it's just a “technicality”)…

War is a very bad idea

The US has said that it will be attacking Syria, Iran, and North Korea when it's done with Iraq, and implied attacks on at least three other nations. They have also said that they're attacking Iraq later today, even though Iraq has seemingly jumped through hoops trying to meet the UN resolution — and even if that's not true, you can bet it's what those other nations think… So… If the attacks do happen today, North Korea et al know they're getting bombed.

The US has most of its mobile forces in the Gulf right now. Not only that, but the 3,000 bombs dropped in the first 48 hours of the Gulf War TNG will result in a hugely limited arsenal. In addition, the US economy is strained to its limits and its currency is plummeting internationally (thus reducing its buying/bribing power). So at that point, North Korea's strategy should seem clear.

If North Korea were to launch a nuclear, chemical, and biological attack on America at that time (which it has threatened to do), coupled with attacks by Syria, Iran, and other nations, as well as terrorist attacks across the heartland, America would crumble, even if it eventually destroyed those foes (which it probably would)… The question is, what would Europe do? China? Russia?

Misleading

Picked up some plastic wrap (well, I didn't, but someone here did). Apparently it's really good stuff. It has a little official looking symbol, and it says “certified” on it. Certified plastic wrap? That's good, I was worried it might be either paper towels or aluminum foil. And we all know stupid wax paper is always trying to pass itself off as pastic wrap!

Anyway, the annoying punch line of course is that Certified™ is just a trademark of the company that makes it (admitted in fine print on the back); they stick that on everything they make… I don't know… That's right up there with “you can call it organic if it's too expensive to actually make it organic“.

“CERTIFIED”, “KEEPS FOOD FRESH”, AND “100% MONEY BACK GUARANTEE” ARE TRADEMARKS OF THE DRUG TRADING COMPANY LIMITED, MARKHAM ON. IN CANADA AND WORLDWIDE. THESE PRODUCT NAMES ARE USED FOR IDENTIFICATION PURPOSES ONLY AND BME AND/OR SHANNON LARRATT MAKE NO CLAIM TO THE TERMS “CERTIFIED” OR “100% MONEY BACK GUARANTEE” WHICH WERE CLEARLY INVENTED BY THIS MANUFACTURER OF BUDGET PLASTIC WRAP AND OTHER FINE PRODUCTS. THE OWNERSHIP OF “KEEPS FOOD FRESH” IS IN DISPUTE THOUGH.

PS. In the non-misleading category, two more verifications have been added.

It's the end of the world…

…and I feel fine?

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And the woman which thou sawest is that great city, which reigneth over the kings of the earth.
And after these things I saw another angel come down from heaven, having great power; and the earth was lightened with his glory.
And he cried mightily with a strong voice, saying, Babylon the great is fallen, is fallen, and is become the habitation of devils, and the hold of every foul spirit, and a cage of every unclean and hateful bird.

REV 17:18,18:1-2

Other than that, I guess tomorrow the war is on… Let the killing begin! While we're at it, let's slash some more rights… But wait! What's this stormcloud I see brewing?

GOD HAS APPEARED?

“Tzaruch shemirah — Hasof bah!”

And there were voices, and thunders, and lighnings; and there was a great earthquake, such as not since men were upon the earth, so mighty and earthquake, and so great.
and the cities of the nations fell:
And every island fled away, and the mountains were not found.
And there fell upon men a great hail out of heaven, every stone about the weight of a talent.

REV 16:18-21

Many have claimed that elements of Bush core group are motivated by a drive to set about the end times by initiating war in the Middle East, a pre-requisite for the apocalypse… The signs are building, according to many Judeo-Christian groups. Apparently God's an even bigger fear monger than Bush?

Here is wisdom. Let him who has understanding calculate the number of the beast, for the number is that of a man; and his number is six hundred and sixty-six.

REV 13:18

Wouldn't it be weird if we turned out to be the quick?

Lighten up! It's Sunday! God has a sense of humor you know.