Monthly Archives: May 2003

I warned you.

You can do better.

That's what you get.

Let's face it. My ideas for a shirt will just get progressively lamer as time goes by. I know there are good artists on IAM. I'm totally into no-holds-barred shirt ideas; BBQ shirts is when one can really get silly I figure…

Come on…

Someone must have an idea…

The saga of Ms. Marker Tattoo continues

You thought it was over? Not even close:

>no, i mean that my password is
>saved into some cookie on my computer,

Yes, I'm aware of that, that's how I got your password.

>i think, so i dont have to enter
>one...i've had this email for ages,
>and im not sure that i remember my password.
>:/ can you tell me what
>LETTER my password and my user name
>starts with =D p-p-p-pleeeeeease?

You know I can't do that; let's see... If you'd like I can upload it to your website -- tell me the FTP location you'd like it in and the access info I'll need to put it there and I'll have one of the monkeys upload it this afternoon.

>and what made you choose (whatever
>my password is) for my password? is
>my tatoo a symbol for something or what? lol

Tattoo? I thought it was just a star you'd drawn on with marker -- sorry, I'll move it to the real tattoo section then. I'd filed it in the "future tattoos" category. My sincere apologies.

God Bless,

Frank O'Derby
Derpartment fo Spellybees

I wonder… Will she admit it now? Nope! Not yet!

>yeah, its real... :/ a friend
>of mine did it a while back.

Oh, now don't pull my leg. That's silly. Well, if it's real send a couple other photos of it from different angles so people can enjoy it in all its splendor!

>which website do you want FTP info for?

Doesn't matter to me, any one is fine.

God Bless,

Frank O'Derby
Columnist, Dear Franko

OK, now she can't really be dumb enough to actually give me the password to her website… or can she?

>haha, yeah i know, its not real.
>but i do have a real one in my
>ear...i sent some pics of my lip
>peircings with the one of my "to be
>tatoo" where its visible. If you want
>more pics of that one, just ask
>and i will send them...after i find
>my digicam. heh. that thing always
>seems to run off.

I have to strongly recommend that you not lie again; you have to realize that it's your eternal soul that you're putting at risk. I must strongly urge you to seek the assistance of a professional priest (but not a Voodoo priest; that will get you in even more hot water with our Lord Jesus H. Christ). If you can't find a priest, please at least spend some time with a Catholic school girl.

>heres the FTP info:
>host address: 64.62.137.203
>user ID: rachel@track00.org
>password: m****n
>yeah...upload whatever you're uploading
>into the directory "/bme"
>please

As a CHRISTIAN SOLDIER I now have the moral duty to delete your site to teach you a lesson for breaking one of the ten commandments; though shalt not lie, remember. The only way you can avoid this happening is by emailing me 50 Hail Marys. And don't think you can just copy and paste them! I can tell the difference! GOD IS WATCHING YOU!!!! YOU MUST DO THIS WITHIN 666 MINUTES OR ELSE!

God bless, and I'm not kidding about the eternal flames of hell bit. I will be praying for you.

Frank O'Derby
Messiahs-R-Us

Yes, the FTP worked perfectly and Franko had total access to everything. Some people have no sense… No sense at all… Well, I'm bored of this exchange now and it's starting to make me feel a little guilty (and I'm worried that if I continue it I'm going to get in real trouble)…

Why can't people just be honest for a change and not try and pull scams?

Frank O'Derby strikes again

I've finally fixed most of the rendering issues in the diary search module; GIF and PNG files display now properly, **PIX#** commands both link properly and support the **PIXFULL** mode as well. It's not 100% compatible yet, but it's a giant step in the right direction.

Anyway, I'm sure regular readers remember the marker tattoo submitted for membership. Franko el Derbi made a typically assine response (which you can read here), which was so stupid that I was genuinely shocked to get a response. Anyway, since that last email Franko has ditched Islam for Christianty. Read the first message, and then continue. Her reply, and Franko's in return:

>haha, no problem =D i'm glad ya like it.
>but im confused...did i get a
>membership...er...what? haha, sorry :/

I really have to apologizerizer to you for that last message. I'd been having a bad day and spoke out of line. Of course Tony the Tiger never said anything like that.

I get the impressioneresher you're asking me for a hint. Well, I suppose I can probably tell you this much: your username is the same as the password to your email account (don't ask me how I know it, I can't leegallymally tell you that either), and your password is a word that rhymes with both "Rachel" and with "Grapefruit" (assuming you use the traditionalleraller pronunciation of both words, not the "hip" pronunciation that I understand is popular with young people these days).

God Bless, and always remember what we say in the submissions screening business: Psalms 1:4-5 - "The ungodly are not so but are like the chaff which the wind driveth away. Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgement, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous."

Can I get an AMEN, sister?!

Frank O'Derby
Ministry of Ministries

OK, at this point she's got to realize she's being made fun of. Not only has Franko's name changed, but he's just making up words worse than Ned Flanders. But no, she's buying it:

>hm...what ryhmes with both "rachel"
>and "grapefruit" ?? hm...i am
>confused. haha ... another hint =D??

I'm a bit worried that if I tell you any more I'd be in violation of the law; not so much man's law, but God's law... Most people don't have any trouble with this riddle. Let's see...

I am reminded of Zecharia 14:2; "For I will gather all nations against Jerusalem to battle; and the city shall be taken, and the houses rifled, and the women ravished; and half of the city shall go forth into captivity, and the residue of the people shall not be cut off from the city."

I'm sure you understand why I mention that. All I can suggest is that you ask your Minister for guidance in this matter.

Good luck, and God Bless.

Frank O'Derby
Humble Servant of the Lord

I'm fairly certain that made no sense at all. At a minimum she should at least realize that Franko is probably insane, let alone stonewalling her. But no, the charade continues!

>hmm. i'm not too good with all the
>god and bible stuff. i dont go to
>church, so i cant ask my minister...
>what's my username again? you say
>its "20764"...?

I've already said too much so please don't ask me to confirm or deny such things via email; I've already explained to you that your website password is set as your username so you know the answer to that question.

We work closely with all the major churches in America, Canada, Mexico, and Ireland, so if you call any -- as long as it's not a Church of Satan of course -- and give them the following information:

  1. The two scripture quotes.
  2. Your username (password).
  3. Describe the tattoo.

They will be able to look up the password for you; oh, and if there's any confusion at all let them know that it's 9 letters and is the fourth one down on page 43. Actually, you can just tell them that. I hope I don't get in trouble for this! You owe me one!

Enjoy the site, and I'll be praying for you. God Bless,

Frank O'Derby
Lordy Lordy, Judy's Forty

OK, maybe it's convincing, I don't know, but “Lordy Lordy, Judy's Forty“? What's up with that? Describe the tattoo? “It looks like a star I drew on with marker, but honest, it's real father. Thou shalt not lie, right? Bless me father, for I have not sinned.”

>sounds good :)...do you give
>everyone a riddle for their password?

Absolutely! It's essential, and it's the law. The law of the jungle that is, and really, who am I to argue with Shere Khan?

>and what made you choose to give
>me a biblical riddle...?

The Lord works in mysterious ways they say. No, seriously though the reason we use the Bible is because (a) God is great, and (b) God makes himself known to all people -- it's the only basis we can use that can reach all people in all languages in all countries.

>just wondering ;) and the username
>thing...i dont have to enter a password
>for my email. so im screwed in that position...

Yes, you do have to enter a password for your email. If you didn't then anyone could check your email. Ask your ISP for more information.

God Bless,

Frank O'Derby
Cracker Jack Brigade

Part of me is beginning to think that either (a) she's a Franko double-agent and is messing with me, or (b) she actually has the world's worst star tattoo and it just really looks like marker. Either way, that brings you up to date on this sordid love affair.