Monthly Archives: May 2003

Franko Strikes Again

Some more responses from Franko to idiots trying to scam free access to BME by sending stolen pictures. This first message, from a “Leire Usua Goikoetxea” contained the typical porno-shot; long nails with white tips and a perfect wax job are kind of a tip-off, you know…

At 4/28/2003 02:09 AM +0200, you wrote:

Thank you so much for sending in your picture. Without people like you sending in pictures of yourself, the site would be nothing but stolen pictures sent by idiots trying to pull scams.

Anyway, your picture is so wonderful I've shoved your password deep inside my urethra, and if I work hard, soon you can expect that it will be flying in your general direction. My apologies for the mess.

Franko el Derbi
Ministry of Donkey Boys

This next one, from a “Roland Lechleitner” was just a photo taken from the free samples area of BME (a reverse PA shot)… Seriously, it's probably not hard to scam a membership. These folks really fall into the “world's stupidest criminals” category:

At 5/3/2003 12:48 AM +0200, you wrote:
>intimpiercing - picture - my first piercing

Thank you for sending your picture. As you surely know, there are some tensions right now between our countries. In order to process your membership you will need to send me a video (PixelVision is preferred but any format is fine) of you holding a US flag (or a color printout of one). Please say the following words to the camera as clearly as possible:

"I solemnly swear to uphold George W Bush as my eternal guide and leader and pledge my life to the God of the United States of America, greatest nation on Earth, and giver of freedom and liberty to the rest of the world. Amen."

As soon as I have that video I will forward it to the Pentagon who will complete the registration process. Thank you for loving Bush, and may God bless your pierced wang. If you do not forward this video you may find yourself classed as an "Enemy Combatant" and will face the consequences thereof.


Franko el Derbi
Department of Pierced Patriots

He's European, so that's sure to drive him mad.

Finally, this one was sent by a “Melanie Fraites” who was sure to include her work details and phone number in the email. It contained a photo of J's subincision, a skinny white girl's navel piercing, and an older heavier black woman's navel piercing.

At 5/5/2003 03:52 PM -0500, you wrote:
>bme membership

Thank you so much for sending in pictures of your friends' piercings.

Unfortunately due to the new DMCA laws here I will not be able to process these pictures as technically speaking they are not yours. Now, I know that you must have permission or you would not have sent them, but, the law really leaves me few alternatives in cases like this.

Please forward me model releases for these three individuals within 48 hours or I will by law be required to report this violation to the RIAA who could of course choose to prosecute and/or execute a warrant on your home and/or place of work. As you probably know they recently won $12,000 from some college students who broke their "rules" in a similar way.

I look forward to getting the "permission slips",

Franko el Derbi
Department of Corrections

PS. (758) 488-**** is I assume the contact number I should forward to them should you be unable to provide model releases?

By the way, this is going to be one beast of an update. I'm still working on it, but I'm guessing it'll top 2000 images.

Morning news update

And then it's time to do a big image update…

First, if you have a Real player installed, and you didn't watch the George Bush versus George Bush debate, make sure you watch it online (more).

Other than that, the White House continues to block release of 9/11 reports (more) and is still keeping UN weapons inspectors out of Iraq (more). As I say every time, ask yourself what is being hidden? At this point there are really only two options on those stories; direct US involvement on some level in facilitating the 9/11 attacks (it sounds crazy, but what else is left to hide?), and no WMDs in Iraq — even the administration is publicly back-peddling quickly on that claim (more).

Looting continues, now passing nuclear materials from Iraq's old power facilities into the hands of potential terrorists. They have access because the US has not kept these sites secure, plus, in order to “check for weapons” they broke all the seals instituted by the IAEA — hello dirty bomb attack (more). In response to the sea of anti-US sentiment in Iraq (more — but maybe not as bad as they tell you — more), the US is putting the Ba'ath party back in power to keep order (more).

Oh, and the US is again threatening Canada because, like Shakespeare (more), we like pot and think it should be legal (more) — after all, with all this “poison” flowing in our country it's no wonder that we care too much about civil liberties (more) and have way too much high speed Internet access (more).

Finally, this has the potential to get really scary. Police (perhaps unofficially) in Vermont went through a school late at night photographing art projects that they deemed to be “unamerican” (more). It's unclear at this point exactly what is to be done with these photographs. Hopefully it's just some misguided rogue cop, and hopefully he's fired for pulling a stunt like this.

Kids are the future

We had the pleasure today of getting a visit from Marc, Nicole, and their kids… It's seriously the most wonderful time I've had for a while; just playing and launching model rockets and laughing as they chased the dog and the dog chased them. It's funny; four years ago I was Mr. Technology that was ready to pledge his life to robots; I cancelled my vasectomy only days before it was scheduled.

I can't imagine what a horrible mistake that would have been. I have a number of “legacies” (not just BME) but having the privilege of being able to take part in this wonderful cycle that makes Gaia live forever just brings me more joy than I can describe. Life is good if you let it be good. Watching kids grow up you realize that the “natural state” of the world is happy, free, and good… It's so weird that we messed up adults have allowed it to become anything but…

God* (or whatever) gave us this incredible world to enjoy ourselves in — God wants us to be happy. So let's do it… We didn't get cast out from the Garden of Eden because God didn't love us any more. We were cast out because we declared our independence. It was simply a metaphor for growing up. God wants us to recreate it for ourselves, to pass on the splendor and joy he tried to give us, not to hurt each other.

It was a reward, not a punishment.

* I am God. You are God. We all are.

April showers…

I'm gonna go fiddle with rockets some more I think, but in the short term I'll mention a few quick news stories. I think I can only think of a small handful of friends that have recently lived through any kind of serious warfare as a civilian — this story (more) is worth reading to get an idea of what the experience is like.

On the other hands, living in Iraq also means that there's a chance that no matter what you do, you might get killed by American troops just for being in the wrong place (your home) at the wrong time (when children were protesting outside a school that they wanted to return to) — as you know, at the “Fallujah Massacre” as it's now being called, the US troops simply opened fire on the entire crowd, spraying bullets at random, killing and wounding about fifty people (more, more), not just in the crowd of protestors, but also in surrounding homes.

Other that that, there's still no evidence that Iraq has any WMDs (more), the US continues to slash its own civil rights by now imposing permanent gag orders on any trials related to the war on terror (more), and the British continue to complain about having to work with butcherous and callous US troops, describing them in rather harsh terms (more):

He counts his unit's kills meticulously, each one a tick in black pen on his khaki helmet ... Perched in the turret of his tank, just behind the barrel that is hand-painted with intimidating war cries such as "kill 'em all" or "I'm a motherfucking warrior", he talks only to those Iraqis with the temerity to approach: he feels vulnerable without a 60-ton Abrams girding his loins. It is impossible to read anything in his eyes because they are always obscured by mirrored sunglasses.

Every Iraqi is a potential troublemaker, a possible target. If one fails to stop at his checkpoint, his response will be to open fire. If more than 50 gather to chant anti-American slogans, he will likely flood the street with soldiers. If he so much as suspects that the crowd has weapons he may well consider a full-scale counter-attack.

His President insists that he was never a member of an invading force, that he was a liberator and is now a peacekeeper. Yet much of the time he is loathed, despised and spat upon by those Iraqis for whose freedom he fought. He and his comrades are among the most hated men in the Iraqi capital.

Not that lying is a surprise when it comes to the US government (more), but this is an interesting turn of events: the courts knowingly used false evidence to convict Timothy McVeigh, and Ashcroft personally intervened to keep the defense from finding out about it and personally ensured that the execution went ahead even knowing that the trial had not been conducted legally (more, more, more). Now, I'm not saying McVeigh isn't guilty — but I am saying that it's fucking terrifying when a government is willing to execute its citizens using fraudulent trials.

Yeah, I'm 5 years old

In the assembly bay

Ready for the first launch

Prepping for launch three

Launch three successful!

Looks normal…

Landing not so good

That's pretty high

Uh oh, the retrieval team is up there too

Ooooh, pretty

Still stuck

Yay for Jon


PS. The MORONS post is because the idiots at the screen printers printed the screens for the IAM.NINJA shirt in reverse order so it's all blurry. Reprint time…