Monthly Archives: July 2004

Drink Sangria in the park

I just saw the most insane lightning storm here in Toronto. I went out on the balcony and it was incredibly near by — I watched it hitting the lake, not more than a few hundred feet out from shore. I stood on the balcony of our 27th story apartment and felt the electricity come closer and closer. Suddenly a bolt of lightning arced past in front of my face, less than fifty feet from me. I could feel the charge move past me, my nerves tingled, and the ear-shattering thunder instantly struck me. At that moment the sky opened up and a flood of water was on my cheeks — I was nearly expecting the Four Horsemen to ride out of the heavens at me. Below is a photo of the sky lit by lightning:

Anyway… I have to be up in two hours so I'm going to go watch The Daily Show and go to bed.

Well, it's a lot later than I'd hoped but a nice big image update with over 2,500 new images which gets me caught up to submissions as of Monday morning is posted. I hope it went smoothly and stuff isn't damaged anywhere; as you may know I've had a number of emergencies delay my work to past the midnight line, which the updating software wasn't designed for (thus some manual overrides). In any case, enjoy the update and thank you to everyone who helped and to bloody kim for the cover photo of her and nurse betty.

One of the diversions today was a three or four hour stint at the hospital. I do not like going to the hospital at all… I try and stay as healthy as I can so I don't have to. Hospital are cesspools of illness and despair, and to be honest I don't really trust doctors very much at all. I've talked here about my misadventures with incompetent psychiatric diagnosis, but let me tell you a story from my youth.

This story involves testicles, so stop reading now if you have a problem with that.

I don't know exactly how old I was but I was pretty young and I think not far into puberty. Anyway, I started to notice that my balls were kind of big, or at least they seemed like it to me. My parents had books in our library about anatomy and sexuality, so I knew that one was fairly normal but I didn't really know whether the other one was. It seemed too big. As time went by it grew large enough that I was upset about it (hey, I was a kid and I thought something was going terribly wrong with me).

I summoned up the courage to get over the shame of having to ask my parents to take me to a doctor's appointment for it. My friendly South African doctor (and bush pilot) thought it might be a hydrocele (which is where fluid builds up inside the “skin” of the testicle causing it to swell) so we went across the street to the hospital to see their urologist. He promised me it wouldn't hurt a bit, and, without any anesthetic he took a big 100cc syringe with a 16ga needle on it and rammed it deep into my right testicle. Strangely, I can't remember any pain from the skewering, but when he pulled the plunger to draw off the hydrocele all I felt was a dull ache and no fluid came out.

“It doesn't look like you have a hydrocele… We're not entirely sure what it is though. It could be a tumor, so we'll have to do exploratory surgery. It's the only way to know.”

Exploratory surgery on my balls, great.

On the morning of the surgery, they explained to me that they were going to be cutting open my scrotum and would be doing some kind of vivisection on the testicle to try and figure out what was wrong with it. They also let me know that when I came out of the anesthesia I might have a silicone “falsie” if they had to amputate. This didn't bother me, so I signed their release forms and within the hour I was counting backward from ten and drifting into unconsciousness.

When I woke up in the recovery room, I still had both my nuts, and the doctors sheepishly explained, “turns out you've just got big balls, sorry about all the fuss.” (If you're wondering the obvious, no, Canada is not a litigous country). Ever since then I've never really trusted doctors very much.

It might however explain BME/HARD.

Bad idea…

To: Popcorn
From: Shannon Larratt

At 7/6/2004 03:09 PM, you wrote:
>I inked my left wrist with "liquitex" acrylic ink.
>There is a caution warning on the back that says
>wash hands befor eating or smoking. Do not breath
>fumes if if painted product is heated to high
>temperature. I think my veins are changing to a
>darker blue color and becoming more visible than
>my right arm. I seem to be having slight pains in
>my arm. Im worried that i fucked my self up.

I'm not entirely sure if you're just messing with me, but this is a VERY BAD IDEA! Those inks are toxic. When it says "wash hands before eating or smoking", they are referring to you eating food or smoking cigarettes after painting, not to actually eating or smoking the paint itself...

I'd really strongly advise you to go to your doctor, or call your local poisoning hotline to find out if you have other options. You've literally injected a poison into yourself.


Two things

First, IAM currently has 15,000 members. That means it's maxxed out and can't take any more. I'll clean up the databases tomorrow and make some more space, so if you're waiting to create an account try again tomorrow night please.

Second, it was very nice seeing everyone again. Looking forward to next year!

(I'm the shy guy in the back if you're wondering).

Thinly veiled suggestion re: July 4th

"The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the law free."

- Henry David Thoreau

I think a good way to celebrate patriotic dates like Independence Day is to think about the things you think make your country special, what makes you proud to be a part of that country, what it stands for, and what you love about the people that make it up. Make a list of those things; write them down… Now ask yourself what you have done to ensure that those wonderful things are still around in the future. Then ask yourself what your friends, family, and community have done to protect those values as well.

Then ask yourself if the government has the same mission as the people do. Finally, ask yourself what you and the people who really do stand for the heart of your nation are going to do about it.

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."

- Benjamin Franklin

"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time, with the blood of patriots and tyrants."

- Thomas Jefferson

A country is special because of the people that make it up and what those people believe is right — how they believe people should live (and let live). Government is nothing but a tool to help the people live with more freedom and liberty, but sadly, government all over the world has become a vessel for an elite few to steal the profits of the hard work of those they have made their subjects. Government should not be the ruler and exploiter of the people — government must be the servant and enabler of the people.

"Without liberty, law loses its nature and its name, and becomes oppression. Without law, liberty also loses its nature and its name, and becomes licentiousness."

- James Wilson

If government is not the servant of the people of that nation, then it is not the government of that nation, but instead a hostile foreign power that has seized control.

Calling Homeland Security…

It wouldn't surprise me if this kid is already sitting in Guantanamo Bay with electrodes on his balls and a police dog terrorizing him, but this is one of the more recklessly stupid crazy cool home projects I've seen. This is done exclusively with stuff you could go out today and buy at Home Depot. Sure beats a potato gun, but I think this guy's nuts for not having tested it properly before use… Homemade weaponry is really something you want to remote fire for the first while!