For a while I thought that my leg hurting more was placebo, or at least just mental localization making it seem more obvious, but I'm a little concerned because it's starting to move into the territory where I don't feel comfortable driving because of the discomfort and difficulty in controlling it. I smoke pot (under doctor's advice) to stop the pain but I don't drive obviously if I have, and I wouldn't drive on other painkillers either…
Meh, I probably drive too much anyway!
That reminds me though, I've had a couple funny “car encounters” in the last few days. First I (along with Phil and Roo) got run off the road by a oncoming pickup truck that decided they had more right to our lane of traffic than us, so we had to hop up onto the sidewalk to avoid a collision. I laughed a little because he pulled the “my truck is bigger and cheaper, I dare you to hit me” game of chicken, which I think I've probably done in the truck.
Then I was driving down the street and an oncoming car literally turned straight into my lane and started driving right at me (basically they were turning without bothering to check oncoming traffic). I slammed on the breaks, and a moment later so did they. It was a little old lady driving, so I just put up my hands in a “don't stress it” gesture and she laughed and that was that.
Then today I pull out of a parking lot and drive to the end of the street where there's an intersection with lights… Strangely though, people were ignoring the lights completely — cars were strewn about, motionless at random angles as if a tornado had tossed them around. It was really weird. So I sort of snaked my way through them and went on my way.
Other than that, I've been doing so much stuff lately that I can't really write about here until after Christmas anyway because I can't be sure who reads this blog. I'm off now to do that some more. BME update will probably get posted later tonight or in the morning (more likely morning because it's huge), and then another one next week, and then other than maybe some articles/interviews, we're good until 2007!
FINALLY: TODAY (UP UNTIL MIDNIGHT) IS THE LAST DAY TO GET IMAGES SUBMITTED FOR THE 2006 AWARDS. ALL IMAGES UP UNTIL MIDNIGHT WILL BE INCLUDED, ALL IMAGES THAT COME IN AFTER THAT WILL GO INTO NEXT YEAR'S AWARDS.
Rachel may be on the show as well (they want her on, I don't know if she's agreed), and I'm a little bit terrified about that because they're going to be comparing people at the end (like father-son, husband-wife, etc.) and I'm almost a hundred percent sure that I'd get decimated in that comparison. Anyway, the CBC just put up a promo page for it (but at least on my computer the aspect ratio is messed up because it was filmed in widescreen I think). It's kind of goofy, but it shows you what it is if you don't already know Test the Nation.
Another fifteen minutes, yay, ha…
Rumor mill of who's appearing tells me that they're pretty sure that the celebrities will come in first place and the fitness instructors will place the lowest.
So Roo and I went swimming at Cherry Beach again today. He's got some of the same set of pictures on his page that Phil took. As always it was refreshing and invorating — I love how full my lungs feel after a cold swim. Anyway, you should come with us. And if you're far away, get some friends together and start a local chapter — I'll gladly point yourtown.winterswim.com at you.
Seriously, the cold is much less of a big deal that you'd think.
And since a couple people have asked me where we got the hats and so on, they're from Mountain Equipment Co-Op. The next time we're (confirmed) swimming is next Tuesday and I know we're stopping by there on the way to pick up more stuff for more people — if you'd like to meet us there please do, and all you'll have to bring is a towel and something to swim in (boots are $25-$30, gloves are about $20, and the kayaking caps are $10 or something if I remember right — the only thing I strongly urge is boots/shoes).
Since YouTube compresses stuff too much, let me give you alternate links if you want an unmarred one: MP4 or WMV. Anyway, what you're seeing in the video are sectional x-rays across my leg horizontally (if I was standing), moving downward toward my feet. It starts just above my kneecap, which you'll see appearing at the top of the screen. Then you can watch my joint resolve, and then on to the lower half, where if you look at the bottom right you can see the tumor's size and shape and what it's connected to. Pretty neat!
when lights go out I will be running over your name
PS. The music is meant to be funny.
But yeah, it is kind of freaky too. But the good news is that when they did the bone density scan (which is what the picture below is — some sort of nuclear imaging — I guess the dark spots in my gut are my body pulling the isotope out of my bloodstream and into my bladder), they found no other metastases (I think that's what they're called) elsewhere in my body, which I believe means that they're quite certain there's no cancer spreading or anything like that.
I was wondering why the series of nurses and other staff I dealt with today were looking at me weird (although they were all very nice) until I got the records (which I used to make the video) — they've got me listed as “MS” (as in the female gender) in their records. Hope that doesn't get me a sex change during surgery.
I've been feeling like crap the last few days because I've been pushing myself a little (mostly just long hours) and have been in a ton of pain (most likely) becaue of it. The doctors upped my sleep medication, so even though I wake up every hour due to the discomfort, I'm able to get back to sleep fairly quickly. I suppose that's an improvement (although I'm definitely a lot “dopier”) but really there are two things right now that make me feel better: winter swimming and exercise (although if I'm really hurting I have emotional trouble with exercise, like I'm going to start crying like a baby or something when I'm having trouble… dunno why). I read this goofy craigslist post and when I got to “pretty girl who is head of the writing department” it made be think of Rachel and I went from mildly amused to lonely.
I hope I don't seem like a whiner when I write this stuff, becaue I don't really mean to, and I'm not down about it in person. Over the last couple of weeks I've met a few people with way more serious issues than me — I mean, sure I may have cancer, but I've already survived it, so now I just have a broken leg really — and I've hugely valued them being candid with me about how they've dealt with issues in their lives. Anyway, if you're one of those people I really appreciated it.
Tomorrow morning I have my CT scan (finally, and thanks to Saira for helping me out with some babysitting), and then I meet with my surgeon next week. So I guess there's something in my file that changed things from “we'll make you an appointment in the new year” back to “this guy's on an ASAP basis”. It'll be nice to finally know what we're dealing with.
Other than that, according to a poll that CBS did back in July, a third of all Americansbelieve that the US government was behind the 9/11 attacks or allowed them to happen (because we've never seen that in government history, right — The RMS Lusitania, The Reichstag, Gulf of Tonkin, Pearl Harbor, etc.). Coupled with the fact that now one in thirty two (seven million) Americans are either currently in prison (2.2 million there) or on current parole, for any old crazy crap, even like being in pain, I do wonder when America will finally revolt, even if it's just far enough for old-school liberty…
