No happy ending though…

…but it was my fault because I couldn't get it up.

Personal records set for today:

  • Furthest another dude has had his hand up my ass.

I'll start with the mention that it's a very rare occurance, because I'd generally consider myself gay-positive but extremely heterosexual. So circumstances outside of the sexual arena have to lead to it. Let me rewind though to put my anal record into context.

So I've been feeling sick for a little while, but this morning I woke up peeing blood. Not like dark urine from dehydration or vitamin overdoses, but full on almost pure blood. Now, I'm no stranger to blood pouring from those bits, but usually I've given some level of consent in the matter, and the pain is far more pleasant! I've also had UTIs in the distant past (which was my immediate assumption), but never one where I was actually peeing full on pure blood with virtually no urine.

Anyway, so I call up Phil, not because he's an expert on peeing blood (or is he?), but because he tends to know where clinics are and I really didn't feel like waiting for an appointment with my doctor or sitting at a hospital wasting their time, so I chugged as much water as I could (because I knew they'd want a sample), and met up with him and went to the health clinic that's in his building. They did a urinalysis on me. I tried to take a picture of it (the results, not the urine) with my cell phone but there's dust behind the lense and it basically doesn't work any more.

If anyone works at a clinic that uses that same machine, if you can read the numbers and shoot me a message telling me what they mean and which ones are an issue and which ones aren't, please do!

I guess that confirmed that I wasn't hallucinating. I got asked a bunch of lifestyle questions as normal, and had to show him that I don't have standard male valving (males have an extra valve in their urinary tract that women don't have, which normally makes them far more resiliant, but if you have a subincision that valve is separated). So I got fondled, and then had my first ever (that I can remember) prostate exam from a guy (everything's normal in that department). Not terribly exciting (and let me emphasize to guys — it's really not a big deal so don't skip those exams).

The good news is that there's virtually zero chance that it's related to swimming in the lake, which had been my first concern (e-coli can cause these types of infections). Tomorrow I have an ultrasound of my kidneys and surrounding region. I guess there's some slim possibility that the changes I'm made to my core anatomy over the past few months has shifted organs slightly and caused a “kink” somewhere in the system that could lead to chronic infections like this if it's not dealt with. That said, I think statistically it's probably a random occurance though.

So anyway, I'm on some broad spectrum antibiotic, my surgery is still scheduled for Monday, and I got to go to the doctor today, as well as tomorrow, Thursday, Friday, and Monday! Woowoo. I wish I went to school or something so I could use all those doctors notes.

Wow Shannon, that's really annoying! What is it, 1997 on Geocities? Retroweb is NOT cool!

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