Monthly Archives: July 2007

I'm getting a lot of reading done

Another very long day at the hospital — I literally just got back now. I got the paperwork re:CRPS for my doctor… although really, I just want a referral from her to a new doctor, because thanks to her writing me off as someone trying to score drugs, instead of listening to my über-obvious symptoms, I missed out on the three month window where this condition is treatable (well, 50% treatable), to where it's either long-shot cures (remember when they put Dr. House in the ketamine coma?… not that I don't enjoy K) or life-long escalating pain. Anyway…

I also had my eye checked out again because I did some damage to it last Wednesday and there's quite a bit of swelling on the far right, at about the point where the muscles inject. My vision is still perfect, but there is a slight increase in the pressure in the eye which they think is just from the steroids (for my eyes, not my body — I was given them because of the initial muscle irritation in the eye). They want to do a bit of imaging on it so I have to chat with them tomorrow about that but the best guess right now is that it's a hematoma that should just break down on its own and it'll probably be just fine (although it could be something else; thus the imaging).

The yellow stuff is just the eyedrops they gave me when they were checking me out. Other than that, I just want to say how thrilled I am with how nice the doctors have been in all of this — I haven't been lectured once, which is quite a surprise, although I'd like to think that I present as a non-crazy person that speaks to them in a fairly intelligent and stable way (other than the obvious, haha).

Anyway, I'm tired out and turning my computer off for the day.

Nailed in three holes

My surgeon's office called and bumped my surgery up a week, so I'm being cut open on August 1st now. Theoretically: they just called me now and told me that I've been denied healthcare coverage. I don't know if some ass called and told them I don't live in Ontario (I do obviously) and now I have to prove it, or it's some clerical error. I gave them a bunch more information so hopefully that's the end of it.

I'm just working on getting a really amazing interview that Ferg did while in Australia — it will go up today, finally. It's unbelievable hard to focus today. For the past three days it's felt like my leg is suspended in alternately boiling water and then ice cold water, on top of the rest of the discomfort. I really want to shave the hair off my leg because when it's touched it hurts, but I don't know if I can take the pain of shaving it… Either way, the interview will be posted today, with apologies for the delay.

In less pleasant news, Phil sent me this picture of a car that he saw down the street…

I'm really pissed off by it, because my request for the license plate “BAAL616” and “NATA2” (ie. SATAN) was denied for being “offensive or inappropriate”. What? It's OK to recommend one of the most effectively murderous and xenophobic religions out there, but I can't express my own views? I might print out that photo and take it in to the ministry and demand that they give me the same freedom as Christians.

God created Arrakis to train the faithful.

You know, on an objective level a lot of stuff in my life is kind of messed up… I'm going through the stresses of a divorce, which even in the best of cases is unpleasant (and I think that as much as there are hiccups, Rachel and I are handling things better than most), I might go partially blind because of my over-the-top body modification interests, and I've been diagnosed with a nerve disorder that means I may be in increasingly large amounts of uncontrollable pain for the rest of my life, but when it comes right down to it, I'm happier now than I have been in a very long time. It's interesting, because I think when you feel your life is falling apart and everything is being taken away from you — business, body, relationships, everything — it gives you an insight that's very important in the process of growing up.

I went out for a fun pub supper with friends down the street (when I go out with Michael it always means a few too many pitchers!)… But the last couple days (because right now I'm “cooking for one” I have to cook a similar meal a couple days in a row) I've cooked chicken — which is funny because I don't really like meat, and definitely not chicken — in a garlic cranberry reduction with various veggies and rice. Last night I made it with a rather spicy seaweed jerk sauce and it turned out quite well.

Well, my eye hasn't ruptured yet. I think there's a cyst of ink (jeez, I hope it's only ink) trapped between the muscle and the eye, which is slowly trying to force its way out. It's kind of painful, but I think that even the worst case scenario should be inside “acceptable”. Ha. I'm sure I must seem like such a nutter to people who don't know me or understand what makes me tick, but really, I don't particularly care about those people. And I suspect that most of the people who read this little diary, or that hang out on BME in general, probably feel the same way and feel the same way themselves. It's interesting how alien we can be from the “average” human experience, while being so incredibly human at the same time.

Well, tomorrow I'm going to try and get Ferg's much delayed article on the way (sorry to Ferg for taking so long), and I have a couple of great interviews about female genital modification on the way as well that I hope I'll be able to publish soon…

Thankfully I put my car into storage today so I don't have to drag myself out of bed super-early tomorrow to keep it from getting towed! And now, to bed. So tired! And tomorrow morning it's off to the gym… Ack!

Ol' One-Eye

An eyeball tattooing update…

So even though I've had a doctor check my eye repeatedly and they tell me that it looks fine (not that they think it looks good or anything, but at least my vision is perfect), I really think there's about a 35% chance that there's a serious problem about to “erupt”. The redness and general soreness from it is definitely gone, but there is sort of a throbbing feeling, and because I'm in so much constant pain anyway that it's so hard to gauge it in terms of “rate the pain from 1 to 10”.

Here's a kind of gross picture:

I'm going to go have it looked at again on Monday (even though they said “come back in two weeks”), because to me it seems like the third injection (the one that went deep) is trying to reject or is otherwise becoming increasingly irritated and I expect the surface of the eye to split open (assuming it's not just slowly leaking out, which I don't think is happening any more than already has)… The doctors think it's an inflamed muscle and I'd like to believe that (because it has sensation, I think that objectively they're probably right), but haha, I guess we'll see what horrorshow thing happens. Arr!

I want to state again for the record that if something goes wrong I don't have any malice or regrets about it, and to be honest, I'm surprisingly not particularly stressed out over it. Damaged vision in one eye? It's the least of my problems, really!

How does your oven work?

First, judging by the feedback, Jon totally aced the new theme for ModBlog! We've got some more projects in the works as well as we slowly, slowly move BME from 1994 to 2008.

Other than that, the medication I'm on is weird. It's supposed to last 4-6 hours or so, and I know that's about how long it works because I'm opitate itchy for about that long, but I tend to sleep in and feel really dopey in the morning… As such, I sure enjoy this video.

Anyway, I'm just posting another BME update (Phil's been processing a zillion images a day!), and then I think I'm going to go have breakfast at Yasi's Place… Maybe try and do some painting today. I haven't really done any painting since Nefarious left, not including drawing…