Some people think that the best way to care for their kids is to have loads of money and spend it on the twice-a-year vacation, high-end electronics, lots of lessons, etc. Most people have to work some mighty long hours to pay for that sort of parenting.

Other people, some by choice and some by circumstance, decide that their kids need one-on-one attention, affection, experiences, etc. that don’t cost a lot of money – but DO ‘cost’ a lot of time.

Last year my husband and I adopted three boys – now aged almost-12, 9 and 5. We made the choice to have a stay-at-home parent during the adjustment period and have adapted to one income for 5 people. It’s a balancing act all around when it comes to money vs time vs experiences vs what the kids need..

I think a lot of people are afraid of their kids. They’re afraid of connecting emotionally, of confrontation, of being inadequate, of making a mistake – so they hide behind the need to “make money” and claim that their child *needs* the expensive doodads to be happy.

And, the more money we make, the more we spend. We make more money and buy a bigger home.. and it requires more money for upkeep. We make more money and we buy more ‘stuff’ and we need to spend more to maintain it. And on and on..

Human beings are weird.

If I ever have kids, I definitely want to spend time with them. I never had a nanny, and while I understand that some careers are really demanding, why bother having kids if you can’t enjoy their company?

On the other hand, I don’t get to spend too much time with my son because I go to school full time and work part time, plus we both have other activities. I feel guilty that he doesn’t get the time with me that he needs, but it’s just temporary. I’m thankful that’s he’s a great reader though, in fact I often have to tell him to stop reading so he can get some sleep!

When I hear about Madana, or any of those Hollywood types, going to various foreign countries to adopt yet another kid, all I think is that they’re just trying to collect kids. I suppose, if the kid’s an orphan anyway, in an orphanage with little chance of adoption by a real parent, being adopted by a rich, but stupid, american, and being raised by nannies is perhaps an improvement, but still, they’re just collecting kids like some people collect stamps. See how many countries you can collect!

The dentist parents don’t sound much better. They wanted a kid, because it’s what everyone else was doing. They didn’t want to actually raise the kid, they just wanted one. Now they have one, and they can get on with their lives.

More people need to collect stamps.

We’re going to be going the homeschool route. One of our neighbours (they run an incredible biodynamic farm and have more kids than I can count) do homeschool until grade seven, send the kids to elementary for grade 8 and then off to high school. Sounds like a great tentative plan to me.

The public school system here is fucked. The more I’ve read about the history of it, the more I pay attention to parents and kids experiences in it, the more appalled I am that it is The System. The system to make more cogs in The System – we’ll be opting out and there are more and more opting out it seems, so we’ll have plenty of company.

Anyway. I’ve just finished a few Montessori books and a great book titled “The Well Adjusted Child: The Social Benefits of Homeschooling” and re-read Joel Salatins “Family Friendly Farming” (in which he addresses his theory about Greenhouse Kids, which is great)… and long ramble short:

I am feeling very excited about the educational future for our kids.

Here’s a quote I read a while back:
FEELING INSANE IS NORMAL
“I always say to women who are trying to do everything, ‘Of course you can do it all, but it’s going to be difficult’. My mother did it and I do it, just not in a conventional way…just understand that sometimes you’re going to think, ‘I’m losing my mind’.”
–Nora Ephron

My mom was PTA president, participated in carpools, came to my basketball games, and so on and so forth, while still having time to do the things that made her happy. She showed me that if you’re willing to bust your ass (and make yourself crazy sometimes), you really CAN have it all. I’m grateful to have such a great female role model and I wouldn’t be half the woman I am today without it. Because of my mom, I feel unstoppable. Whenever I start to feel overwhelmed or underconfident, I channel my mom and it really does give me strength and courage. And despite juggling the three of us, our numerous activities, and running a household, she always had a manicure, makeup, and her hair done :)

And yes, she was always insane, too ;)

My kids go to a public Montessori school – its great. My 6th grader is doing a major report on the Environmental Impact of Wind Energy. He reads my master’s level papers to help me with word choice. So fun!