I hope… not!

shabama
This morning when I woke Nefarious up for school she said to me, “Sleep is amazing, isn’t it? One moment you’re lying in bed awake, and then the next thing you know, it’s morning!”

I think that this experience — the experience of the night disappearing, where you blink and it’s morning, has to do with not having dreams that night. It happens to me once every few years, and was more common when I was a child, and I remember it making a strong impression on me as well. I recall one night, looking at my clock, and every time I would blink, an hour or so would pass. A remarkable experience. Anyway, for me on the other hand, it was not a dreamless night

I dreamt last night that I was Barack Obama, President of the United States. To be clear, I wasn’t just President, I was literally Barack Obama. However, I had the same painful condition that I have now, and reporters were stalking me, trying to dig up dirt on me. Instead of worrying that they were going to show I was born in Kenya, I was all stressed out that they were going to find my Oxycodone prescription and label me as a drug abuser a la Rush Limbaugh. I was super-paranoid about throwing out my garbage, and was freaked out at the possibility that investigative reporters would go through the trash bins outside the White House and find the prescriptions… But I was hopeful that when I switched from my current opiate-stingy doctor to the Presidential doctor that he would give me a larger prescription… you know, on account of being President, I hoped that doctors would finally believe me about the pain level — my authority had been confirmed earlier when I was stuffing mountains of prescriptions and drug store receipts into grocery bags and sneaking behind the building to find a place to toss them, when the Secret Service body guards assured me that as President I did not have to do chores.

I continued being hassled by reporters, but it got worse later in the dream I had some problems with farting… I mean… sharting… and somehow pooped in my pants! I ran back into the White House hoping no one would notice, dashed to the washroom, and I just kept getting covered in more and more shit and then I realized that I had left the front door open and the reporters that were previously searching the trash had now come into the building and were about to find me, the President, in this revolting state, so the dream ended with me desperately but ineffectively trying to clean myself. Hahaha. Don’t analyze that dream please, it will not end with good conclusions.

And pardon the illustration, I have other things to spend my time on today. I’m working on the eBook (Kindle, Nook, etc.) conversion of the classic interviews book, and doing another level of clean-up on it as well as adding about a dozen interviews that have never been published in text (ie. video interviews and so on). I figure it will take a solid couple weeks to get that done.

14 Comments

  1. nikk wrote:

    sounds like a pretty trippy dream,

    Thursday, January 28, 2010 at 12:52 pm | Permalink
  2. Tim wrote:

    Yup, that’s certainly an odd one.

    Thursday, January 28, 2010 at 1:51 pm | Permalink
  3. Elizabeth wrote:

    hehe you crapped yer pants!

    Thursday, January 28, 2010 at 3:42 pm | Permalink
  4. Johnny B wrote:

    i hate that moment of uncertainty you have when you wake up after pants shitting dreams when you feel you have to check to see if it really happened

    Thursday, January 28, 2010 at 8:47 pm | Permalink
  5. Katariina wrote:

    Dreaming and the sleepstate is really weird. I usually sleep quite soundly with a fair amount of dreaming, that slowly fades from my counscious mind during the minutes after waking up (I’d really like to keep a dream diary, but it’s kinda lame to write only the few details I can remember from the dreams even immediately after waking up), but I’ve had expreriences like you described. Also sometimes I just am startled awake, jumping up before even realising what’s happening, and then being unable to remeber what I’d been dreaming about (what presumably made me wake up).
    A friend of mine has also experienced sleep paralysis http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_paralysis

    Friday, January 29, 2010 at 4:33 am | Permalink
  6. dresden wrote:

    I got my nook last week and it died last night. I’m taking it back. I’m going to look at the Kindle next, or just wait for an iPad.

    Friday, January 29, 2010 at 5:29 am | Permalink
  7. Surinder wrote:

    haha. Now it must be analyzed.

    Maybe you should have used a shredder or two…

    Friday, January 29, 2010 at 10:21 am | Permalink
  8. martini wrote:

    Excellent dream. haha. If you’ve not read it yet, I highly recommend I hope they serve beer in hell (Tucker Max) as there will be a chapter there that reminds you of the dream. Sorry, saw the movie the other night and immediately thought of the book (which is better) when I read that entry… Hope you are well…

    Friday, January 29, 2010 at 4:53 pm | Permalink
  9. It has been far too long since the States have had a bearded president.

    Saturday, January 30, 2010 at 4:42 am | Permalink
  10. Anselm wrote:

    I’m incredibly tempted to take that “Hope” poster you drew up and troll the hell out of BME by posting it all over ModBlog comments. :)

    Saturday, January 30, 2010 at 2:26 pm | Permalink
  11. starbadger wrote:

    who isn’t a bag OF SHIT

    Saturday, January 30, 2010 at 11:22 pm | Permalink
  12. jack wrote:

    i rarely dream, so much so that when I do have a dream I can remember it for days after. I do remember when I was younger dreaming a lot though but maybe that is me just remembering the bad ones. Who knows?

    Sunday, January 31, 2010 at 3:29 am | Permalink
  13. Laura wrote:

    I envy you the detail in your dreams. Or perhaps it is the recollection of the details I envy.
    either way, your dream was awesome. While it sounds like you are afflicted terribly with your painful condition, it has seemed to provide interesting fodder for your subconscious.
    Thanks for sharing.

    Saturday, February 6, 2010 at 12:57 pm | Permalink
  14. kafka222 wrote:

    I have got the end dreams, not you. They are all the same, you me and a little brie. chablis crisp off the vine. Sublime.

    Sunday, February 7, 2010 at 8:47 pm | Permalink
Wow Shannon, that's really annoying! What is it, 1997 on Geocities? Retroweb is NOT cool!

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