OK, first of all: Damn that Porsche is nice. They're running the numbers right now to see if it can happen, but with any luck I'll be proudly driving a Carrera 4 Cabriolet in a month. There's also a real nice 6-speed Carrera 2 Cabriolet, but I think I'd rather have the 4×4.

I got an IM message earlier today asking me to post pictures of my cars. So… Here you go. This is my 2000 Audi TT Quattro. It's a first edition car without the stupid wing or sloppy electronic stability control, one of only a couple hundred that exist in Canada. Mine is chipped and has a better exhaust, but is largely stock. It has all the options (6-disc CD, etc.). They're absolutely wonderful cars; if you don't mind the tiny back seat I can't recommend them highly enough:

PS. I'm getting tattooed tomorrow. On Saturday there will be an experience update on BME, and then on Sunday I will post a huge picture update to tide you over while I'm gone.


So I just talked to my dealer (a very appropriate term in my case)… He tells me that I can bring the SLK back (since he knows he can easily turn it around because it's got all the right options and low mileage) and without much of a lease increase at all get a 1999 Porsche Carrera 4 Cabriolet. This is no cheap Boxster. We're talking Porsche's 174 mph four-wheel-drive ubercar… And, it's tipotronic so Caitlin will be able to drive it! I'm going to go see it tomorrow.

The curse of IAM

When IAM first started, all of it's traffic came from BME and everyone knew that it was connected. Nowadays though, many people (with names like this or this) come here from links on other pages, .sigs, chat rooms, etc. and have no idea that IAM is an offshoot of BME. Someone mentions to them that all they have to do to get in a free page is send in a picture. Of course, they have no idea that it needs to be a body modification picture. Below are some of the pictures I've been sent lately by people who want a membership in return (the face blurring was done by me):

Not going to work

There's a right way to ask for a favor, and then there's a wrong way. I just got this email asking for access to IAM (this is from a person who's never helped BME):

Subject: zepcakes
give im me a name bitch

Then it was followed up by a second message:

Subject: add me add me
zepcakes should be my use name and my passcode being emocore
thanks for nothing

Yeah, that's really going to go over well. You'll never see LeftWingLester@aol.com having an account here.

I wonder if they use emocore as their password anywhere else… If I didn't have to leave right now to bring the TT to get a new tire, I'd check.


Everybody, rock your body right: Funmail is back, all right!
This first one wins the doublethink award:

From: "andreas ***"
Subject: how to get application

how can I get an application to your website w/o an application

Hmmm… Maybe it's a riddle?

From: CkBud1313@aol.com
Subject: (no subject)

i was just wondering if you had any pics of peircings

Piercings? Pictures? No, I don't have anything like that… In fact, I don't think anything like that exists anywhere online. This next one wins a Darwin Award I think:

From: DArKNeEdLFrEeQ@aol.com
Subject: (no subject)

how exactly is a tongue venom pierced, i mean the placement? is it straight through the veins on the bottom ? thank you

Yeah, right through the veins. That's how you can tell the placement is perfect. Don't pay any attention to the deep blue color your tongue has turned… That's normal. This next mail wasn't actually sent to me. It was sent to one of the automated systems. It's always weird what people send to the robots:

From: "Roger ***"
Subject: Re: Previous BME membership not found

so slave we back on track? you still wanna be my boy for life? Ill take ya and get there as soon as I can. Be patient!! still want ta know why you want me for your M?

Someone is just a little too obsessed with the lifestyle!
It always cracks me up when I get mails like the next one… The “I'm 100% man… or am I?” syndrome.

From: "trina.spurr"
Subject: (no subject)

hello my name is peter and recently I got my eye brow pierced.when I went into the shop I asked for them 2 do the male side.it is the first time I have had any body piercing done.they did my right eye brow and I was just wondering if that is the right side because I am 100% male and a few of my friends have said that I should have had my left eye brow done and they are calling me a puff...please get back and tell me if there is a male side to have pierced if there is can you give me any advice on what 2 do now because there must be something I can do about these cowboys that is if they have pierced the wrong side thanks for your time

Sorry Peter, I guess you're gay now. Not much you can do about it. But really, other than the uncomfortable conversation you'll have to have with your parents it's really quite fun.

From: u02lai@abdn.ac.uk
Subject: pain

tell me do you have a load of painfull metal fittings all over your body? if so where?

I don't know if that was an insult? Well, as the Backstreet Boys always say, “As long as there'll be music we'll be coming back again”. I've got so much funmail still to post… And it keeps coming.